That fairytale called LOVE......

When I sat down to update the blog tonight after many months of absence, I had an entirely different topic in mind. When I thought back to what inspires most of my writing- the lives of others around me- I was reminded once again of that huge aspect of life so many of us struggle with: love. For me love is that one thing I take the most pride in, the one portion of my life I never take for granted and align all the other aspects of my life to fit accordingly. For some it's the LIFE: the career, the obligations to self and others. For me love IS life; the only thing that really makes the rest of it worthwhile, the only thing worth fighting for, at all.

Love is something we all need to give unconditionally and accept in the same manner. It is the very thing so many of us struggle to achieve, nurture, and maintain. The very hardest thing for some of us to offer to others and welcome unto ourselves. It's hard to say for certain what the biggest problem is in that regard. Often it's the stress associated with the whole "marriage," permanency phenomenon. Apparently locking oneself in a binding religious and legal agreement with another person poses serious threat and inevitable detriment to the relationship itself.

I cannot speak personally on this matter; I can only mention that a number of my close friends were perfectly content prior to such an engagement; an engagement which has left many of them cold, discouraged and discontent. A self-proclaimed serial monogamist, I find this realization difficult to reconcile. I have lived with the same person, as if we were married, for the past 6 years. There is not a second of that life I regret; I feel immeasurably blessed and better off for having lived it. Instead I wonder, egotistically, if there is some trait I or he possess, which makes us better equipped to maintain such a relationship. My scientific side forces me to consider that perhaps there is a more humble realization..... something about the pairings of those I've watched was perhaps incompatible before they ever began--If there was another reason those two people did not, or could not, work together. And this is where I come back to feeling self-righteous and therefor most likely incorrect.

Like I said, I've had a series of long-term relationships throughout my dating life, each of which always felt more correct than the last, yet nonetheless had an end-point I was aware of, in the back of my head. Currently, in the back of my head (and sometimes more up front than I feel ready to be comfortable with), I see only a wedding, children, a happy life of aging with someone I feel no hesitation in saying I'll be "cool" with, forever. He lacks any of the traits that I'd feel confident saying will make me unhappy, in the end. The one thing I have learned in listening to people, is that the whole cliche of relationships being something you have to "work" at is total crap. As with anything else right in my life, relationships should follow the path of least resistance. That isn't to say you shouldn't try, only to say that it's not the spectacular feat of effort that most claim it to be. Nothing about my relationship has involved effort of any sort. If you love someone, you love someone unconditionally. There is nothing to work at. If you disagree, you might be with the wrong person.

I say this confidently because I can still remember all the things about life I've spent my time worrying over. Where to live, what to be, where to work, what type of life I want......and in the end none of it mattered. I realized I would be happy with everything else if I had a partner to share it with. If this seems submissive or insecure, consider this: even if you could say everything else in your life was perfect (job, home, location, yourself), what would you still ask for? A partner to share in your success. When recently talking with a friend about how he would transition his life to a new location and career, I discussed my slight distaste for my geographical location. We talked about other cities that might be more fun to live in, more appropriate for our tastes. He asked me "well, does Maryland feel like home for you?" My reply was instant and certain: "anywhere that Mike is, feels like home for me." Cheesy? Perhaps. Secure and unquestioning? Most certainly.

I realized after saying it so easily, that my daydreams of moving somewhere else, somewhere I might be more able to live the artistic lifestyle and enjoy my surroundings, were really nothing more than that.....daydreams. I realized once again that I was still here after all my doubts about this city, for the one person that made every struggle meaningful and not in vain. My beebs. And I realized that I shouldn't be worried that I wasn't "working" at a relationship as so many people had advised. I had something that required no work at all, and to run away from that for any job or change of scenery would be perhaps the first thing in my life I WOULD regret.