I took the time off that I'd mentioned and planned for; the exercise, the self-realignment, the preparation to re-endulge in that abyss I'll call grad school. I was scared yet prepared and the first semester turned out great. My experiences so far in my new curriculum far surpass anything I ever experienced at my last school. There is no cut throat competition, no snide remarks, no hostile faculty looming overhead ready to write gloomy evaluations on a whim.
The new school is friendly! The classmates are confident and happy. Most of them unburdened by the experience of a previous graduate degree gone wrong like I have experienced, are happy to meet new colleagues and share their help in class when asked for it. Projects are collaborative, TAs are helpful, and professors are seemingly happy to be professors and appear to feel responsible for teaching. These are all new highlights of my new program of study.
It's the same type of study (clinical psychology), which just screams "neurotic individuals, lost and seeking self-reprise," but it's completely different, the way I'd imagined graduate study should be in the first place. Questions are answered, groups are formed, study notes and texts and PDFs are exchanged freely. Friends are made between class quiznos breaks, and lab partners are willing to spend time after class with you and even help you make your assignment better than it would have been without that help.
I've watched some fail, drop of out my classes and neglect to read their weekly assignments. I've seen others destined to succeed; doing the work, collaborating and trying their best to keep ahead of all the work we're assigned. The difference here is that we're in it together; and if you have a problem you can share it with your classmates and find refuge in their offerings of help.
So far, I love it. The professors are reasonable, they enjoy having you if you try. They understand if you miss one day out of the semester for an illness, and they actually send you notes and powerpoints to cover what you missed. Classmates send you their notes too, unsolicited. It's a magical environment that I always envisioned an institution of higher learning would be like. People share their ideas, provide you with help when you're sick, and ask you advice when you're doing well. Before classes, people mingle in the halls. They're not downtrodden with the demands of school, but happy to make the acquaintances of new colleagues studying what they're interested in. I'd classify the environment as one of help, not competition. We're all only as good as our group projects, as our class discussions, and only as prepared as our PDF articles emailed amongst us can allow.
Different environment to say the least.....just a few months ago I was scared. Now I'm happy. I fit here. It's a long winded story of struggle that finally seems to have come to a happy resting place where it all makes sense. Don't give up, and you'll figure it out in the end.
