Living a green lifestyle is certainly good for the planet, but there’s more to it than that. Green living can have a significant psychological impact as well. People aren’t just brainwashed and pressured into being eco-friendly. While humans are creatures of habit, there is an intrinsic value that comes along with green living that can make us feel good about our actions to help protect the environment. Here are a few of the other psychological benefits of green living.
Increased Awareness and Thoughtfulness
Living a green life can awaken feelings of increased awareness and thoughtfulness. Some might consider learning to care for the environment similar to learning to care for a child. Your actions change, you look at things in a different way, and you begin to realize that there is more out there than just you, your wants and your needs. There is now a larger responsibility involved and you must think of how your actions affect others, including not only others and future generations, but plants, animals, and the planet as a whole.
A Cleaner More Efficient Lifestyle
You may realize that living green can impact your entire lifestyle. Learning how to make due with less, conserve resources, and waste less to reduce your environmental impact may lead you to live a more organized, efficient life. This psychological change could have your de-cluttering your home, shopping less, cooking better, growing your own food, and making a whole variety of lifestyle adjustments.
Peace of Mind
Knowing that you’re doing your part to make the world a better place in which to live, can be incredibly freeing. While you might still have worries regarding global warming, a deteriorating ozone layer, and the human race’s impact upon all other earthly creatures, you do have that sliver of peace of mind knowing that you are making a difference through green living and maybe influencing others to do the same.
Reduced Feelings of Guilt/Remorse
Looking back on the days before you realized that your actions were having an environmentally harmful impact; you probably have some feelings of guilt and remorse for some of your actions. Maybe you remember the time you went camping and threw your soda cans in the bushes. It could be the thought of all those plastic jugs and bottles you used to put out with the garbage that makes your stomach churn. But now you can push those feelings aside and know that you are trying to rectify those previous wrongs, and you don’t have to feel guilty about harming the world in which future generations must live.
Jamie enjoys writing about the different ways to manage life's challenges. She is a college professor and a licensed counselor in Houston. Jamie has been helping women and adolescent girls deal with depression, anger, grief and more for nearly a decade.
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
Guest Post: Psychological Benefits of Living Green
I'm pleased to have my first guest blog post from Jamie M. Leonard MEd. LPC writing about the benefits of living green. Please enjoy the below post.
Thursday, December 2, 2010
How to love: Vol 2 (When to Shut Up)
While I'm on the topic of building better relationships with the people we love, let's discuss another important feature in maintaining/improving those relationships. Some call it "picking your battles," I prefer to call it "knowing when to shut up."
I guess we all have those little things about our relationship partners that irk us. Perhaps some of those "little things" feel like very large annoying things. Whatever your situation is, you can always benefit from knowing when to discuss and when to stay silent.
I'm sure we've all seen and heard the clique old married couple, bickering over everything and anything from who was supposed to pick up the dry cleaning to who forgot to send in the electric bill on time. We're also probably watched some of these scenarios unfolding, wondering why on earth two otherwise happy people would succumb to such petty arguments. Perhaps part of it comes with the territory of knowing someone so well that you've become so accustomed to their "flaws" that you feel appropriate commenting on them. Maybe you've reached a point where you're literally so pissed off that your partner can't seem to ever remember to do a simple task you've asked of them, that you're ready for war. Either way, you should reconsider the value starting a fight over nothing.
If it's a legitimate problem (your husband continually leaves your child at school on his day for carpool pick up because he loses track of the time while out gambling with his buddies), then I would encourage a candid discussion. If it's a petty concern (as annoying as it may be to remind someone of the same thing a hundred times and still have them forget to do it), stop before you bite. Is this situation significantly affecting any part of your life or relationship? Is it endangering either of you? Is there anything truly horrific that will likely result from neglecting it? If the answer is 'no' then let it go. We will never have everything completely within our control, no matter how much we remind someone or nag them. If it really isn't significant, than you're doing your relationship a huge service by just letting it go.
It seems silly at first, but over time these are the exact types of things that lead people who were once happy, to arrive at a point where they feel so much is going wrong with their relationship it is beyond repair. It may have started with the little things, the nagging to do this or that, followed by the argument over how they forgot AGAIN to do it, but somehow enough little things all become part of one BIG thing in the end. Suddenly everything is a fight over absolutely nothing, and the good parts that should be mentioned (about what someone DID do), become neglected. This type of communication becomes a pattern, and once you're in a pattern you feel it's always been a pattern. Or at the very least you don't remember how things were before you fell into that pattern, and it seems like the best thing to do is give up and find someone else to fall into a new pattern with.
This may sound fatalistic, but it's the day-to-day things that keep us happy and content in our lives. When you have a bad day at work you may hate your job and want to leave, but you don't because you realize it's just a bad day in a series of other days ahead that are likely to be better. When you have a lot of bad days at work, you forget why you ever liked working there in the first place, and actively search for a way out. Your current dismay with the situation colors future interactions at work negatively, and before long all you notice are the annoying parts of your job that make you hate it. Any type of personal relationship can take the same course if we're not careful to choose our complaints wisely. Ever had a friend you kept hanging out with, even though every time you spent time with them you came home feeling depressed and miserable? I'm guessing it didn't take long for you to completely forget why you'd made friends with that person in the first place. And I'm certain it took even less time to stop making plans with that friend altogether.
Relationships with a significant other can sadly go the same way. It may take more time, because we're invested in the long-term thing, be it a marriage or monogamous relationship, but if the pattern endures it too will lead us to conclude we need a way out. If you think back to the interactions you had with your partner this week and find that a lot of little fights come to mind, try to think about what caused them. Were they important? Was the fight productive in the end? Did anything change or did you continue to fight about the same things over and over again? If you're not careful, you'll start to associate the partner you once loved with someone who brings you stress and annoyance. And our minds like to be comfortable. We won't stick around a bad situation for long, if we're healthy. As much as we'd like to say "no, that won't happen to me," our brains are wired to associate repetition with reality. And unless you're mentally sick yourself, we're also wired to seek out optimal happiness for ourselves. So instead of building up that pattern of negative interactions that spiral out of control, focus on what is being done RIGHT, what that person is doing that makes you consistently HAPPY. But don't keep it to yourself, share it with them! And if you practice enough, learning when to shut up and when to share may just keep you that way.
I guess we all have those little things about our relationship partners that irk us. Perhaps some of those "little things" feel like very large annoying things. Whatever your situation is, you can always benefit from knowing when to discuss and when to stay silent.
I'm sure we've all seen and heard the clique old married couple, bickering over everything and anything from who was supposed to pick up the dry cleaning to who forgot to send in the electric bill on time. We're also probably watched some of these scenarios unfolding, wondering why on earth two otherwise happy people would succumb to such petty arguments. Perhaps part of it comes with the territory of knowing someone so well that you've become so accustomed to their "flaws" that you feel appropriate commenting on them. Maybe you've reached a point where you're literally so pissed off that your partner can't seem to ever remember to do a simple task you've asked of them, that you're ready for war. Either way, you should reconsider the value starting a fight over nothing.
If it's a legitimate problem (your husband continually leaves your child at school on his day for carpool pick up because he loses track of the time while out gambling with his buddies), then I would encourage a candid discussion. If it's a petty concern (as annoying as it may be to remind someone of the same thing a hundred times and still have them forget to do it), stop before you bite. Is this situation significantly affecting any part of your life or relationship? Is it endangering either of you? Is there anything truly horrific that will likely result from neglecting it? If the answer is 'no' then let it go. We will never have everything completely within our control, no matter how much we remind someone or nag them. If it really isn't significant, than you're doing your relationship a huge service by just letting it go.
It seems silly at first, but over time these are the exact types of things that lead people who were once happy, to arrive at a point where they feel so much is going wrong with their relationship it is beyond repair. It may have started with the little things, the nagging to do this or that, followed by the argument over how they forgot AGAIN to do it, but somehow enough little things all become part of one BIG thing in the end. Suddenly everything is a fight over absolutely nothing, and the good parts that should be mentioned (about what someone DID do), become neglected. This type of communication becomes a pattern, and once you're in a pattern you feel it's always been a pattern. Or at the very least you don't remember how things were before you fell into that pattern, and it seems like the best thing to do is give up and find someone else to fall into a new pattern with.
This may sound fatalistic, but it's the day-to-day things that keep us happy and content in our lives. When you have a bad day at work you may hate your job and want to leave, but you don't because you realize it's just a bad day in a series of other days ahead that are likely to be better. When you have a lot of bad days at work, you forget why you ever liked working there in the first place, and actively search for a way out. Your current dismay with the situation colors future interactions at work negatively, and before long all you notice are the annoying parts of your job that make you hate it. Any type of personal relationship can take the same course if we're not careful to choose our complaints wisely. Ever had a friend you kept hanging out with, even though every time you spent time with them you came home feeling depressed and miserable? I'm guessing it didn't take long for you to completely forget why you'd made friends with that person in the first place. And I'm certain it took even less time to stop making plans with that friend altogether.
Relationships with a significant other can sadly go the same way. It may take more time, because we're invested in the long-term thing, be it a marriage or monogamous relationship, but if the pattern endures it too will lead us to conclude we need a way out. If you think back to the interactions you had with your partner this week and find that a lot of little fights come to mind, try to think about what caused them. Were they important? Was the fight productive in the end? Did anything change or did you continue to fight about the same things over and over again? If you're not careful, you'll start to associate the partner you once loved with someone who brings you stress and annoyance. And our minds like to be comfortable. We won't stick around a bad situation for long, if we're healthy. As much as we'd like to say "no, that won't happen to me," our brains are wired to associate repetition with reality. And unless you're mentally sick yourself, we're also wired to seek out optimal happiness for ourselves. So instead of building up that pattern of negative interactions that spiral out of control, focus on what is being done RIGHT, what that person is doing that makes you consistently HAPPY. But don't keep it to yourself, share it with them! And if you practice enough, learning when to shut up and when to share may just keep you that way.
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
How to Love: Vol 1
I'm writing this article partially as someone who can speak from experience, and also as someone who has observed the actions of others causing their relationships to go horribly awry. Feel free to comment/disagree with your own stories.
Of course it's still true that you have to love yourself before you can (functionally) love another, but aside from that there is quite a bit to consider.
First of all, even if you do have personal issues at stake there are ways of going about a relationship with someone else that I would consider "DO's" and "DON'Ts." Primarily, are you actively engaged in your problems to a level that prevents deeper connection with someone else? If so, you probably should take a step back from that relationship and work on those before proceeding. If you're like the rest of us and simply 'have a few things you'd like to work on,' then by all means don't let that deter you from forming a meaningful and significant relationship. If it's a good match, hopefully you can help each other deal with your issues and grow from it.
Is there something about yourself you aren't happy with? Do you feel angry, anxious, stressed out, or something along those lines? These are not definitive relationship enders. What IS a proven method to destroy anything good in your life, is letting whatever concerns you may have get the best of you and render you incapable of rational decision making and action. If you're struggling with something, the best thing you can do is inform your partner. Let them know what you're feeling and if you can, why you feel that way about certain things. More importantly, let them know they're not the cause of it (if they are you may want to find a new partner), and that you're willing and interested in changing that aspect of yourself. Hopefully they will appreciate your honesty and offer support.
While we cannot always expect someone else to understand what we're feeling and experiencing, we should always expect someone who cares about us to be interested and willing to try. As an example, having a partner with a serious or debilitating problem like anxiety or depression hurts both parties in the relationship. Knowing that the person with the problem sincerely wants to take steps to change it shows commitment not only to themselves, but to improving the relationship. If someone you love shares this with you, you should be excited they realize there is a problem, and supportive of changes they're willing to make to improve it.
If you feel like it's your "other half" who has the "problem," then it's beneficial for you to try to address it with them in a supportive and open-minded manner. One of the things I've seen most often in situations like this is judgmental, un-constructive blame and argument without purpose. Simply accusing someone of acting in a way that they probably know they're acting, is not inherently helpful. Understandably, if your partner is having a negative emotional reaction, you will be inclined to react emotionally as well. Just keep in mind that telling someone who is already upset, that they're making YOU upset by the way they're behaving (feeling), will be of no help to either of you.
Asking them nicely about a situation that makes you unhappy or uncomfortable/worried is a way of expressing concern as well as compassion. It's important to clarify that you're not blaming them, rather that you're concerned and would like to help them get what they need to feel better or behave differently. This can be difficult to address in a way that doesn't upset the other person, but if it's an on-going problem that you believe is hindering the relationship, it needs to be addressed. If it doesn't go over well the first time you try, don't give up. Sometimes it feels like we're being attacked when others point out our problems, especially when that someone is very close to us.
Perhaps this sounds very unrealistic to some readers, but I ask you, is continuing to maintain a relationship plagued with a problem that is hurting one or both parties more realistic and likely to succeed in the long-term? Probably not. I hear time and time again that one person ended the relationship because they simply "couldn't take it anymore." Whatever 'it' was, I'm guessing it could have been addressed in a constructive way that might have helped the relationship stay intact.
Another huge, if not the biggest problem I can think of with these types of situations, is emotional control. By that I mean the capacity of both individuals to avoid succumbing to emotions when a difficult topic comes up. I'm in no way suggesting the emotion itself should be avoided; often it is the emotion that is causing the problem to begin with. I'm simply stating that when you're discussing something emotionally charged with a partner, the best thing you can do for both of you is try your best to refrain from making irrational statements based solely on how you're feeling during the conversation. Discussing hard topics makes everyone react differently, but typically some of that reaction is emotional. While understanding that emotion may be the key to eventually understanding how to avoid the problem in the first place, it is a dead-end when beginning difficult discussions.
If you're consistently having an emotional reaction to something your partner says or does, it may be helpful to take some time for yourself to process the situation prior to addressing it with them. Take some time to relax, letting the emotion pass, and write down your thoughts about what happens when the situation comes up. If you find yourself thinking things like "I get really angry/anxious when..." try to think harder about what specifically makes you become angry or anxious. Try to pinpoint what it is about that situation that causes you to have that emotion, that other stressful situations do not have. It's crucial to have a clear discussion in mind before addressing any type of emotional content with your partner.
I myself have learned from this strategy. I recall always getting anxious and feeling panicky prior to certain events. I would get extremely upset, hyperventilate and often feel very out of control and sick. Although the reaction occurred on cue every time the situation came up, I felt powerless to explain to him why I was having it. It was uncomfortable for me, as it impaired me from having any discussion about it while I was in that state of mind. It was uncomfortable for him because all he could see was me crying and having difficulty breathing, and had no idea how to make me feel better or how to have avoided it in the first place. Eventually after much deliberation on my part, I had some idea of the specific aspects of these circumstances that caused me to have my emotional overflows. After realizing what those were, I could finally tell him what was going through my mind when I reacted that way, and we were able to come up with ideas on how to approach the situations a little differently so I wouldn't feel that way about them. As I mentioned in an earlier post, practice makes perfect. The more you understand about yourself, the better you become at avoiding unpleasantries.
In addition to self-reflection and taking the time to consider everything associated with my emotions AFTER they had returned to normal, having an understanding and patient partner played an incredible role in my overcoming these reactions. It's hard enough to try to figure yourself out, it's nearly impossible to do that with someone you care about yelling at you and blaming you for feeling the way you do.
When dealing with someone else's problems, it all comes down to communication and patience. If you can, communicate about what they're feeling and how it's affecting you. If you can't, simply expressing compassion and patience for the other person feeling the emotion goes a long long way. Over time, making someone feel completely comfortable with you will only make the recovery process faster and easier for both of you. If it's emotion, assume first that you have no idea or way of understanding what that is like for the person experiencing it. Secondly, realize how uncomfortable it makes them and realize they're not choosing to react that way. If you can develop empathy and simple patience, the worst that can happen is eventually finding a way to be closer to each other and make each other happier along the way.
Of course it's still true that you have to love yourself before you can (functionally) love another, but aside from that there is quite a bit to consider.
First of all, even if you do have personal issues at stake there are ways of going about a relationship with someone else that I would consider "DO's" and "DON'Ts." Primarily, are you actively engaged in your problems to a level that prevents deeper connection with someone else? If so, you probably should take a step back from that relationship and work on those before proceeding. If you're like the rest of us and simply 'have a few things you'd like to work on,' then by all means don't let that deter you from forming a meaningful and significant relationship. If it's a good match, hopefully you can help each other deal with your issues and grow from it.
Is there something about yourself you aren't happy with? Do you feel angry, anxious, stressed out, or something along those lines? These are not definitive relationship enders. What IS a proven method to destroy anything good in your life, is letting whatever concerns you may have get the best of you and render you incapable of rational decision making and action. If you're struggling with something, the best thing you can do is inform your partner. Let them know what you're feeling and if you can, why you feel that way about certain things. More importantly, let them know they're not the cause of it (if they are you may want to find a new partner), and that you're willing and interested in changing that aspect of yourself. Hopefully they will appreciate your honesty and offer support.
While we cannot always expect someone else to understand what we're feeling and experiencing, we should always expect someone who cares about us to be interested and willing to try. As an example, having a partner with a serious or debilitating problem like anxiety or depression hurts both parties in the relationship. Knowing that the person with the problem sincerely wants to take steps to change it shows commitment not only to themselves, but to improving the relationship. If someone you love shares this with you, you should be excited they realize there is a problem, and supportive of changes they're willing to make to improve it.
If you feel like it's your "other half" who has the "problem," then it's beneficial for you to try to address it with them in a supportive and open-minded manner. One of the things I've seen most often in situations like this is judgmental, un-constructive blame and argument without purpose. Simply accusing someone of acting in a way that they probably know they're acting, is not inherently helpful. Understandably, if your partner is having a negative emotional reaction, you will be inclined to react emotionally as well. Just keep in mind that telling someone who is already upset, that they're making YOU upset by the way they're behaving (feeling), will be of no help to either of you.
Asking them nicely about a situation that makes you unhappy or uncomfortable/worried is a way of expressing concern as well as compassion. It's important to clarify that you're not blaming them, rather that you're concerned and would like to help them get what they need to feel better or behave differently. This can be difficult to address in a way that doesn't upset the other person, but if it's an on-going problem that you believe is hindering the relationship, it needs to be addressed. If it doesn't go over well the first time you try, don't give up. Sometimes it feels like we're being attacked when others point out our problems, especially when that someone is very close to us.
Perhaps this sounds very unrealistic to some readers, but I ask you, is continuing to maintain a relationship plagued with a problem that is hurting one or both parties more realistic and likely to succeed in the long-term? Probably not. I hear time and time again that one person ended the relationship because they simply "couldn't take it anymore." Whatever 'it' was, I'm guessing it could have been addressed in a constructive way that might have helped the relationship stay intact.
Another huge, if not the biggest problem I can think of with these types of situations, is emotional control. By that I mean the capacity of both individuals to avoid succumbing to emotions when a difficult topic comes up. I'm in no way suggesting the emotion itself should be avoided; often it is the emotion that is causing the problem to begin with. I'm simply stating that when you're discussing something emotionally charged with a partner, the best thing you can do for both of you is try your best to refrain from making irrational statements based solely on how you're feeling during the conversation. Discussing hard topics makes everyone react differently, but typically some of that reaction is emotional. While understanding that emotion may be the key to eventually understanding how to avoid the problem in the first place, it is a dead-end when beginning difficult discussions.
If you're consistently having an emotional reaction to something your partner says or does, it may be helpful to take some time for yourself to process the situation prior to addressing it with them. Take some time to relax, letting the emotion pass, and write down your thoughts about what happens when the situation comes up. If you find yourself thinking things like "I get really angry/anxious when..." try to think harder about what specifically makes you become angry or anxious. Try to pinpoint what it is about that situation that causes you to have that emotion, that other stressful situations do not have. It's crucial to have a clear discussion in mind before addressing any type of emotional content with your partner.
I myself have learned from this strategy. I recall always getting anxious and feeling panicky prior to certain events. I would get extremely upset, hyperventilate and often feel very out of control and sick. Although the reaction occurred on cue every time the situation came up, I felt powerless to explain to him why I was having it. It was uncomfortable for me, as it impaired me from having any discussion about it while I was in that state of mind. It was uncomfortable for him because all he could see was me crying and having difficulty breathing, and had no idea how to make me feel better or how to have avoided it in the first place. Eventually after much deliberation on my part, I had some idea of the specific aspects of these circumstances that caused me to have my emotional overflows. After realizing what those were, I could finally tell him what was going through my mind when I reacted that way, and we were able to come up with ideas on how to approach the situations a little differently so I wouldn't feel that way about them. As I mentioned in an earlier post, practice makes perfect. The more you understand about yourself, the better you become at avoiding unpleasantries.
In addition to self-reflection and taking the time to consider everything associated with my emotions AFTER they had returned to normal, having an understanding and patient partner played an incredible role in my overcoming these reactions. It's hard enough to try to figure yourself out, it's nearly impossible to do that with someone you care about yelling at you and blaming you for feeling the way you do.
When dealing with someone else's problems, it all comes down to communication and patience. If you can, communicate about what they're feeling and how it's affecting you. If you can't, simply expressing compassion and patience for the other person feeling the emotion goes a long long way. Over time, making someone feel completely comfortable with you will only make the recovery process faster and easier for both of you. If it's emotion, assume first that you have no idea or way of understanding what that is like for the person experiencing it. Secondly, realize how uncomfortable it makes them and realize they're not choosing to react that way. If you can develop empathy and simple patience, the worst that can happen is eventually finding a way to be closer to each other and make each other happier along the way.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
